Here I Am, Again

Past: Blogging erratically or let the picture paint itself.

This is always my usual drama, laziness in non- academic writing (do I have a choice if it is for academic?) Now, I am TRYING, as in trying, to write- blog and or traditional journal- everyday no matter what.

No matter what. No matter what. No matter what.

At least, if I will end up being a frustrated journalist, no regrets because I tried. Although, I might end up being a psychotic by then.

Actually, I don’t know where this writing will lead me- or you. Ever since grade five, I came into a conclusion that this is what I really want to be when I grow up. It is funny, though that I just “copied” this ambition from my childhood best friend while we were enjoying this swing. When I got home, I was excited (I even hopped going home) and watched news. It was still then Noli de Castro in TV Patrol and the set was with this big half- globe. Remember?

She is now in fourth year taking up Information Technology. Now I am here, taking up the course that originally was hers.

I sound not right because I know- even before- that I might not end up there. I might end up underemployed meaning, what I fought for was not worth it after all. But something in me tells that, what was that swing scenario for? It came not by accident because there is certainly a purpose.

But what if my purpose is just to be a warning sign?

Penny- less and Tired

For the past four weeks, if I am not mistaken, I saved only a nibble. I, but appropriately it is we so it is--we usually go somewhere else for practice or we eat even after school because the night is still long or we eat ravenously at lunch for the same reason. In some cases, we buy things for our own costumes or for production purposes. And oh, that reminds me that I still have to buy that stupid synthetic ball in lieu of what I- gain that is we pertaining to Mars- broke one Tuesday morning, P.E. class.

Not only am I nearly broke, countrymen, I am also darn tired of all the things that we did for the past weeks. This week to be exact is one candidate for the superlative. After a short break from a tedious work, we had a production that we only prepared for two days not to mention the tests that we had to bother one after another. It must be a blessing that classes are suspended. Now I have time to work on the back pain that I am having which started Wednesday.

Dear me, it is only our second year!

Penny- less and tired

On The Brink Of Womanhood

There was a light and the surrounding was dim. There was a woman in dire pain. There were a lot of people surrounding the woman, I was there too. It was cacophonous. The commotion was all about us.

It happened at 12:58 pm exactly 18 years ago in a particular delivery room of Makati Medical Center. I am not really sure about that. I was not able to see then and not even a nibble remains in my head. I do not know anything yet.

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According to Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary, first definition, womanhood is defined as the state of being a woman rather than a girl.

Yes, I’m on the brink of womanhood. Definitely, I am not a girl anymore; however, I do not consider myself as a woman- and all he x- chromosomed humans of my age. I’m in he middle of those two in which the name is I don’t know.

Rather than squeeze my brain or scan dictionaries just to find out what is it called or argue that I am already a woman, here are my pros and cons of being 18- not a girl, not ye a woman. (I don’t mean the Britney song. I don’t simply like her.)

As 18, I am now of legal age as defined by the 1987 Philippine Constitution. I am not too young anymore and I am now “open to all explorations”, in short, res communes- Jessie hangover. More so, I can now be married anytime, anywhere aside from other legal and social freedom (and obligations).

Nevertheless, it was fun being a kid and all. It was fun running while you perspire and still smell like powder. It was fun to eat ice cream like monster and still people will find it cute. I am now also near to that “real world” and it is no fun. It will be sooner that I will be able to experience the complexities in life and those struggles with matching tears like when adults recall it. And the more reason I am kind of fearing this is that, growth stops at 18. This is more of height and if you know me, you know how I’m faring with that. Terrible.

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No usual 18th Birthday party. Yes.

When Grace had hers, I was rather decided to have one too. First, you will have no less than 18 gifts. Second, you will get to see whom you miss.

Story. I can still remember how happy Soya was when she told me that all the varsity- she was one of them- basketball and volleyball players of our batch will come over her debut. Fast forward, when the debut party came, I did not see them. I realized that not everyone could come. Not everyone loves formal parties. Worse, is the bad feeling of not seeing them and the question of why? Although, mama wanted me to have that, even just a simple one. She argued that it happens only once in a woman’s life. However, at the end of the day it is still my decision. I find that kind of party impractical. She agreed.

The solution: I once confided to Mars about what I want in lieu of a party. It was A and B. I chose A and they approved but at the end my parents bought me the B (with me, of course). It was an advanced gift. I had that since last May 5. I am very happy about that and really satisfied but I am having a bargain that after the house renovation that is running right now, they grant me the B. If you would just know what it is, you will agree that it is not a brat thing; even the A is not a brat thing too although, both really costs.

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Who said that when you don’t have a party, you won’t have 18 thingies? I have mine too!

18 Thank Yous

The Divine Providence for giving me this flawed but wonderful life.
Parents and Siblings. For loving me, per se.
Relatives. For helping my parents in bringing me up.
Elementary friends. For a good social foundation.
High school tropa, friends and classmates (St.s Paul of the Cross, Thomas Aquinas, John the Baptist, Simon). You know who you are. Thank you for such a wonderful memory. I cried last Friday when I heard “I Will Be Here”. I miss you all…so much!
College tropa, blockmates, classmates, and campus friends. See you inside school! Hope to get to know you all more. Animo!
Friends and Acquaintances outside school (K2K Yg, JBC). Thank you for the sharing and stories.
Past mentors. I miss you all! And thank you because I never had a hard time with you all. Thanks for the imparted knowledge.
Present mentors. I want 4.00 GPA. Teach me well, I’m paying. Hehehe, just kidding!
Chubby and the rest of the gang. Thank you for being a de-stressor. Meow!
Detractors. (nag iimbento na naman ako!) Keep of the grass! Anyways, the truth will always prevail!
The authors of the books that I have read. You constitute a considerable amount of my knowledge.
My dictionaries and thesaurus. They build up my vocabulary! I am not kidding!
The institutions who built and who is building me (Blesses Mother Mary’s Learning Center (pre-school), Bloomfield Academy (graders), St. Joseph’s Academy (highschool), De La Salle University- Dasmariñas (presently). I learned and am learning so much. Continue to be a heritage!
All the angels and saints. I think I have mentioned all.
The Roman Catholic Church. Just to fill us the 18.
All the Filipino Citizens.
Angus. Yes, my brain. You fill in the last.
That was general because I don’t want to miss a name.

18 Wishes

World Peace, thank you and Philippine peace and stability.
My letter B!
To be able to speak fluently in French
…to visit China where my mother’s root ancestors are or were, I don’t know, as well as Amanpulo, France, Japan, Italy and Greece.
…have all my wanted books be bought and have m own library of literary works.
…meet Korina Sanchez, handa na ba ako?
…make a difference in our goddam society. Seriously.
…pursue Master of Arts after graduation and continue Law or Doctoral degree.
…reach 5’4” height.
…build better relationship especially among my blockmates.
Laptop and $100,000 shopping spree! Wooh!
…that my siblings won’t be triggered by asthma again. I hate it when my cats are subjected to leave. Good thing they are still here, though.
…be in dean’s list. Honestly.
…a DJ of La Salle Radio as a training. Hope it admits soon. Irish!!!
…to say incantations and perform magic!
…write a best- selling- err- essay. Lolz, since I don’t have the flair of a storyteller.
…be a broadcaster!
I wish that all my wishes will come true.
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Wait! There is still more!

Pictures to be posted…soon.

Disclaimer: I won’t be able to treat all. Sorry! Peace!

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